The relationship between being Catholic and LGBTQ+ has a long and complex history. Catholicism has often cited biblical references to condemn homosexuality, describing it as sinful and morally wrong. Just last year, the Vatican ruled that priests cannot bless same-sex unions. Pope Francis clarified that while “persons with homosexual inclinations” must be treated with dignity and respect, gay sexual activity is "intrinsically disordered." These compounding negative viewpoints on Catholic Christianity often make the Church a difficult institution for queer people to support. However, in New York City, a group of churches is aiming to rewrite this narrative by creating LGBT-affirming spaces within their own parishes.
On the Upper East Side, the Church of St. Ignatius Loyola is home to LGBT Catholics and Friends, a ministry of LGBTQ+ parishioners as well as family and friends of queer individuals. On the Upper West Side, The Church of St. Paul the Apostle started Out at St. Paul, an LGBTQ+ ministry that engages its queer community through meetings, social events, and retreats. In Chelsea, The Church of St. Francis Xavier has numerous LGBTQ+ ministries, which include an all-women group founded called Catholic Lesbians, an all-male group known as Gay Catholics, and a co-ed social group, Xavier Outings. Together, these parishes are reaching NYC's Catholic LGBTQ+ community across generations and impacting their lives in unprecedented ways.
Ellen Long Stillwell
Ellen Long Stillwell, 61, moved to Manhattan from Staten Island in 2004 with her two sons. The reason for the relocation was that her oldest son, Stanley, 28, was bullied for being gay starting at the age of 10. Shortly after settling, Stillwell came across a local parish, the Church of St. Ignatius Loyola. After visiting others within the city, she was drawn back to St. Ignatius because of its open support of the gay community. In 2017, Stillwell got word that the parish was starting an LGBTQ+ ministry. Given that her son had recently come out to her while away at college, Stillwell saw this as an opportunity to develop her own knowledge and support as the parent of a gay child. “When I was at my first meeting, the pastor asked each of us what we wanted out of this, and I said comfort, I need comfort,” recalled Stillwell. Nearly four years later, Stillwell serves as one of the co-leads of LGBT Catholics and Friends.
Lou Csabay
Lou Csabay, 70, knew that he was gay since the age of six. Growing up in a devoutly Catholic household, he also knew that the religion he was raised in was at odds with his sexuality. As a child, he was taught by the church that homosexuality was a sin, which was further reinforced by laws that criminalized same-sex sexual activity. “I was illegal. Who I was was illegal. What I was was illegal. The church, the government, everyone basically told me that I was going to die a lonely, sad man,” said Csabay. In 1975, he married his wife and, four years later, they had a daughter. The two remained married for 20 years. In the fall of 1998, Csabay met his husband. They married in Manhattan four years ago. Around that time, a friend told Csabay about an LGBTQ-affirming church nestled on the Upper East Side, the Church of St. Ignatius Loyola. He and his husband joined the parish in 2017 and, that same year, the LGBT Catholics and Friends ministry.
Ivan Briggiler
Ivan Briggiler, 54, has been a parishioner of the Church of St. Ignatius Loyola for nearly 25 years. He is the father of three children, and his oldest son, Marcos, 22, is gay. When Marcos was around the age of five, Ivan’s wife began saying that she thought Marcos was gay. At the time, Ivan’s reaction was cold and rational. He said it was too early to tell and wanted Marcos to disclose his sexual orientation on his own. Looking back, Ivan says that he was not ready to accept the possibility that his child might be gay. He regrets not being more supportive and open-minded. When Marcos came out, Ivan knew it was his “time to run with the ball.” That is when he approached the pastor of St. Ignatius with the idea of starting an LGBTQ+ ministry. Soon after, LGBT Catholics and Friends was formed. “I was curious and eager to learn. I also wanted to show my love and support by asking questions. It was my way of trying to tell Marcos that I was by his side,” said Briggiler.
Victor Cruz
Victor Cruz, 59, was born and raised in Puerto Rico. Throughout his childhood, he recalls not being fond of the Catholic Church, as he didn’t find it to be a welcoming place. He sensed that there was something about him that wasn’t “normal” and therefore was on his own for many years when it came to religion. “Growing up gay in Puerto Rico, it was terrible, there was a lot of darkness. One of the reasons I still have trouble going to the church in my hometown is because I associate that place with some of my worst memories,” said Cruz. In 1997, he moved to New York to attend a graduate program at Stony Brook University. It is during this time that Cruz gravitated back to the Church. In 2002, he discovered the Church of St. Ignatius Loyola on an afternoon walk and has been a parishioner ever since. In 2017, he became an original member of LGBT Catholic and Friends, a religious space where he felt validated and acknowledged for the first time.
Kyle Garcia and Zach Dugan
Kyle Garcia, 32, and Zach Dugan, 33, initially connected with one another on the shared values of faith, family, and friends. Having just moved to New York in 2016, Garcia felt at a crossroads where his Catholic faith and romantic life as a gay man were not coinciding with one another. Therefore, when he met Dugan, who happened to be a parishioner at the Church of St. Paul the Apostle, it felt as though the stars aligned. The two began dating and shortly thereafter attending Out at St. Paul together, the church’s LGBTQ+ ministry. Six years later, the two are engaged and remain active members of the organization. “Something that he says is that we grow with God together,” said Garcia. “We pray together, say grace together, attend mass together, it's all learning about ourselves, but on a journey together through the lens of our shared love for each other and God.”
Ann Fenelon
Ann Fenelon, 61, moved to New York City in 1992 with the dream of staging an original, one-woman show. She performed it for nine years until she developed bilateral lymphedema and was no longer able to. During this time, she came across the Church of St. Francis Xavier, a place of great transformation for her. “I was in search of something. I said when God closes a door, he opens a window. When I walked into that church, I said thank you, God, I have found my window,” recalled Fenelon. In 2017, she attended her first Catholic Lesbians meeting, a group she affectionately refers to as the “Friday Night Ladies.” As Fenelon was rehabilitating her physical health, she attributes much of her spiritual healing to the queer women she has met at Xavier. This past September, she performed a portion of that same one-woman show she moved to NYC with for them, and only hopes to share more in the future.
Larry Ruth
Larry Ruth, 68, first learned about the Church of St. Francis Xavier in the 1970s. It was a small parish in Chelsea that was known for being open and accepting to groups that were routinely being shut out from Catholic spaces. During a time of great contention for the LGBTQ+ community, Xavier was instrumental in welcoming its people, and particularly, in addressing the AIDS crisis early on. As a gay man who has a deep connection to his Catholic faith, he was immediately drawn to its ethos. When he moved to New York City in 2012, Ruth connected with Xavier, a place he says feels like home. “The church’s essence, this open, loving, warm place for everybody has been there from the beginning. Only its complexion has changed, and by that, I mean that the pastors come and go, the tone of things change a little bit, but they're all supportive and believe in a fundamental openness of heart and arms to everybody,” said Ruth.
Stephanie Samoy
Stephanie Samoy, 58, recalls not thinking much about her sexuality until college. Attending the University of Arizona, she found herself in an environment that was not conducive to her identity as a lesbian woman. She visited New York City as a teenager and realized there was freedom there, a place she could be who she was. In 1986, she graduated and headed east to what she describes as pure exuberance. In 2000, she discovered the Church of St. Francis Xavier, which for her was the ultimate gift. “I really have found my home. People who I will go to the grave calling them my friends and family, my chosen family,” said Samoy. In 2001, she attended her first Catholic Lesbians meeting, a group she soon became a leader of and has remained with for the past 21 years, alongside a “kitchen cabinet” of other core women. When looking at the future of the group, Samoy recognizes the ongoing challenges faced by women in the Catholic Church, let alone queer women. However, she is inspired by the younger generation of members who she knows will keep the group in good hands.
Melinda Spataro and Dolores Diaz
Dolores Diaz, 63, was introduced to Melinda Spataro, 60, in 1994 after a mutual friend told Diaz that Spataro knew of a gay-friendly Catholic Church in New York City. When they first met, the two bonded over their shared religious values. Soon after, Spataro invited Diaz to a first date at the Church of St. Francis Xavier. This evolved into them meeting weekly to attend mass together and ultimately dating. Spataro has been a member of Xavier’s LGBTQ+ ministry since the late 80s, a time when the group was still co-ed. Diaz joined the then-recently established all women’s group in the mid-90s, therefore many current members refer to them as the “original Catholic Lesbians.” "We know how many people have turned away from religion, God, and their faiths when coming out because there's not enough Xavier's around,” said Spataro. “We were lucky that we found this space, which continues to be a blessing, but we should not be the anomaly, that's what we pray for.”
Tess Thompson
Tess Thompson, 32, spent most of her life as an ex-pat. She was born in Trinidad and Tobago, went to high school in the Philippines, and college in Ireland. She ultimately moved to America at 21, but throughout all of her moves, Thompson viewed her Catholic faith as an anchor in her life. However, as she was coming out as a lesbian between the ages of 15 and 18, she started to feel disconnected. Therefore, when she arrived in New York, and found the Church of St. Francis Xavier, and specifically the Catholic Lesbians ministry, that connection became stronger than ever. Since joining, Thompson has taken on an active role in the group, which she summarizes as simply contributing to a community that has been so beneficial to her. “Sometimes we’ll get emails from people all over the country who are struggling with their faith and sexuality,” said Thompson. “Being able to respond to those people affirms that I have something to contribute, which is all I want to do."
Alyssa See-Tho
Alyssa See-Tho, 24, moved to New York with the hope of living an authentic life. At home in California, See-Tho never felt as though she could fully express herself, especially when it came to her sexual orientation. However, when she started attending college at New York University, she still struggled to find a religious space where her spirituality could fully coexist with her sexuality. After not being able to attend mass at NYU’s affiliate parish due to scheduling conflicts, See-Tho discovered the Church of St. Francis Xavier. In the bulletin, she saw an advertisement for Catholic Lesbians, which she attended for the first time in 2019 and has kept up with ever since. See-Tho especially resonates with the intergenerational aspect of the group. “It’s nice knowing that there's been this long history of people like me,” said See-Tho. “I know they exist and they're like my grandmother's now. That level of support is something I haven't found anywhere else.”
Natasha Avenis
Natasha Avenis, 31, was born and raised in the Philippines to a pious Catholic family. She moved to America eight years ago, but before landing in New York City, lived in other states such as Ohio, West Virginia, Alabama, and Florida. In each of these places, Avenis says she struggled to find a place where she felt she belonged when it came to her sexuality and religious beliefs. However, it was when she attended her first NYC Pride that she saw people outwardly celebrating the relationship between being Catholic and queer. This spurred her into researching LGBTQ-affirming churches in the city, which ultimately led her to the Church of St. Francis Xavier. In 2019, she connected with Tess Thompson who invited her to attend a Catholic Lesbians field trip. “I met everybody and they were just the most wonderful group of people,” said Avenis. “Being surrounded by all of these intelligent, sensitive, kind-hearted, and open-minded women gave me that long-awaited sense of support.”
The older and younger generations of the Church of St. Francis Xavier's female LGBTQ+ ministry, Catholic Lesbians.
(Left to Right: Melinda Spataro, Stephanie Samoy, Dolores Diaz, Natasha Avenis, Tess Thompson, and Alyssa See-Tho)
